god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
