What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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