So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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