you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
