I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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