He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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