Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's shark week go big or go home
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
