we have officially lost it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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