if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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