insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize