in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
