I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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