I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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