At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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