I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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