He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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