Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
