Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize