You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
