so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
