Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
