I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I smell stomach acid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
