do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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