I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
