So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
