They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
