Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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