I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
