You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
