escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
