When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
