I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
