Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
