Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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