when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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