I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
