You made me cry and you don't even care
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We left the knife in your bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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