Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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