I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need moral support for this bender
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
