now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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