Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
