So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
