I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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