the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
