I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
