Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
