you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
