So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want her autograph on my taint
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
