we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
