Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
