I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
