so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
kristin has been a bad kristin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
