Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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