:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
