the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
