Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
