I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
