Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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