Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
