she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
