She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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