thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
