I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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