I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
