I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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