first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
