Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
